Slash, Porn, and Objectification
Mar. 15th, 2006 03:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
stuttermoanI'm certain I could make this more clear, given the chance. In fact, it's a mess. It's pretty close to how my thoughts sound, though, so other than a few tweaks, I'm going to leave it as is.
So, I was reading this fic the other day - a story about Tonks fangirling over Remus in a slashy way. In the end, they get together, and it's implied that Remus is willing to act out some of her fantasies of him with other men. To be clear, I'm certainly not knocking the story. I thought it was well-written, cute, and I could identify to some degree. However, I admit I felt uncomfortable. It's taken me a bit of thought to figure out why.
One of my concerns is feminist in nature. How would it be if the genders were reversed? I know I'd have zero patience or empathy if one of my straight male friends zoned out, imagining me having sex with another female friend (whether or said female friend and I were actually involved). My relationships and sexual encounters, although they involve other people, are mine alone. My sexuality isn't mere entertainment for someone else (and by someone else, I mean the person who is NOT a chosen partner/viewer/participant). This seems to happen a lot to lesbians. The "Can I watch?" syndrome, like a gay woman's sexuality was created solely for the enjoyment of the straight male. It's damned demeaning. An individual cannot be reduced to their sexuality alone. To do so is objectification.
But, some people are okay with being objectified. If someone underestimates you in their mind, really, what are they taking from you? Not necessarily anything. Sexual exchange, contrary to how many people understand it, is not usually one person "giving" while the other "takes." If it's right, both people get involved willingly, and both give and take. To interact with someone in a solely sexual manner does not reduce you only to that. I understand that. For me, though, and some other people, I can't stand to be reduced to only a body, or a persuasion, or a use. There has to be more from the other person, more understanding.
I know we can't always understand a person 100%. In fact, I think it's impossible. However, to become fixated one one aspect - in this case, sexuality, physicality, whatever - is the reducing factor. You are nothing more than that, a tool for a specific, narrow purpose. That scares me. No empathy. That same idea makes it really easy to steal from people, rape people, send them off in masses to die in wars. Seeing people as a means to a more important end, instead of the end itself, the most important thing.
Now I realize with fictional characters, we can objectify, guilt-free. Anyway, it's impossible not to, as they're ideas and not people. Ideas in the shapes of people. I suppose this all just struck me the wrong way because of my personal experiences on both sides of the porn/slash debate.
My (now ex) girlfriend used slash, roleplay, and manipulation to try to form me into some other person completely to suit her whims. I was pushed to the point where I hated my body. I wanted to get a sex change for her benefit. Later, my (now ex) boyfriend used porn to satisfy himself sexually, while ignoring and lying to me. I was past wanting to change for someone else, thankfully, but if I hadn't been, I could see myself trying to compete with those unrealistic images. I'm honestly not sure which is worse in the long run, but I know that both views have the common factor of simplifing a complex relationship into a process, a method of use. I was, first, an attempt at an ultimate fantasy. I was, next, the complete disappointment that did not live up to a fantasy at all. Fantasy certainly has its place, but not as a means of viewing a whole, real person.
Seeing as no real people were objectified in the fic that started me off on this, I seem to have just talked myself in a circle. In any case, this is proof to me that reading fic is more than just something fun to pass the time. Seeing other peoples' approach to issues of interaction (sexual, emotional, etc.) has made me re-examine my views, and brought me to a deeper understanding of how I got here to begin with.
So, I was reading this fic the other day - a story about Tonks fangirling over Remus in a slashy way. In the end, they get together, and it's implied that Remus is willing to act out some of her fantasies of him with other men. To be clear, I'm certainly not knocking the story. I thought it was well-written, cute, and I could identify to some degree. However, I admit I felt uncomfortable. It's taken me a bit of thought to figure out why.
One of my concerns is feminist in nature. How would it be if the genders were reversed? I know I'd have zero patience or empathy if one of my straight male friends zoned out, imagining me having sex with another female friend (whether or said female friend and I were actually involved). My relationships and sexual encounters, although they involve other people, are mine alone. My sexuality isn't mere entertainment for someone else (and by someone else, I mean the person who is NOT a chosen partner/viewer/participant). This seems to happen a lot to lesbians. The "Can I watch?" syndrome, like a gay woman's sexuality was created solely for the enjoyment of the straight male. It's damned demeaning. An individual cannot be reduced to their sexuality alone. To do so is objectification.
But, some people are okay with being objectified. If someone underestimates you in their mind, really, what are they taking from you? Not necessarily anything. Sexual exchange, contrary to how many people understand it, is not usually one person "giving" while the other "takes." If it's right, both people get involved willingly, and both give and take. To interact with someone in a solely sexual manner does not reduce you only to that. I understand that. For me, though, and some other people, I can't stand to be reduced to only a body, or a persuasion, or a use. There has to be more from the other person, more understanding.
I know we can't always understand a person 100%. In fact, I think it's impossible. However, to become fixated one one aspect - in this case, sexuality, physicality, whatever - is the reducing factor. You are nothing more than that, a tool for a specific, narrow purpose. That scares me. No empathy. That same idea makes it really easy to steal from people, rape people, send them off in masses to die in wars. Seeing people as a means to a more important end, instead of the end itself, the most important thing.
Now I realize with fictional characters, we can objectify, guilt-free. Anyway, it's impossible not to, as they're ideas and not people. Ideas in the shapes of people. I suppose this all just struck me the wrong way because of my personal experiences on both sides of the porn/slash debate.
My (now ex) girlfriend used slash, roleplay, and manipulation to try to form me into some other person completely to suit her whims. I was pushed to the point where I hated my body. I wanted to get a sex change for her benefit. Later, my (now ex) boyfriend used porn to satisfy himself sexually, while ignoring and lying to me. I was past wanting to change for someone else, thankfully, but if I hadn't been, I could see myself trying to compete with those unrealistic images. I'm honestly not sure which is worse in the long run, but I know that both views have the common factor of simplifing a complex relationship into a process, a method of use. I was, first, an attempt at an ultimate fantasy. I was, next, the complete disappointment that did not live up to a fantasy at all. Fantasy certainly has its place, but not as a means of viewing a whole, real person.
Seeing as no real people were objectified in the fic that started me off on this, I seem to have just talked myself in a circle. In any case, this is proof to me that reading fic is more than just something fun to pass the time. Seeing other peoples' approach to issues of interaction (sexual, emotional, etc.) has made me re-examine my views, and brought me to a deeper understanding of how I got here to begin with.
